Food is my favorite.
I love cooking it, I love serving it, I love sharing it (sort of), I love what it does to our social lives, our bodies, our brains and our souls.
Food also got me fucked up.
I have struggled with food addiction and had a generally unhealthy relationship with food for as long as I can remember.
Cue the holidays.
The dinners, the drinks, the cookie-exchanges, the gifts.
So much fun and togetherness and
For someone like me, it used to get really overwhelming.
There’s still a lot of controversy surrounding food addiction and if it actually constitutes as a “real addiction.”
Listen, lady, if I can obsess about the ice cream in my freezer the way I obsessed about my cocaine being gone, I’m just calling it like I see it.
Like I’ve lived it.
I did struggle with a coke addiction in my late teens and early twenties so I can attest to the feelings being the same.
If it sounds like an addiction, smells like an addiction, looks like an addiction…
It might be an addiction.
For normal people, you could have a box of cookies in your cupboard for weeks.
Not once upon a time.
I used to OBSESS, and truthfully, sometimes my brain still attempts to go there.
Normal people can have ONE cookie and be able to move on. I had a cookie and couldn’t get over the fact that there were more cookies.
I would fully obsess until they were gone.
Naturally because I ate them, every last one.
It was like I genuinely couldn’t help myself. My brain and my body were separate, and I always ended up feeling repulsive and defeated, much like I did after an especially intense bender.
I have accepted that it is a part of me that I will have to manage and keep in check for the rest of my life, just like any recovering addict would.
Before you refuse any social gatherings or your grandmother’s fruit cake, hear me out.
There really is a light at the end of the tunnel if you create the space for one.
I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think this is one-size-fits-all, but I do know that I’ve been able to lose almost 100 pounds.
I know that I have repaired my relationship with food and how I view it.
And, I know that if you want it enough, you can do the same.
Open your head.
I once went to therapy for food addiction, in hopes that she would just prescribe me Adderall so I never ate again.
Ridiculous, I know.
I also wasn’t ready to make sustainable, serious changes at that time because I do think that therapy can be beneficial.
If you’re anti-shrinking (you really shouldn’t be, everyone needs therapy for something), start with being really honest with yourself.
Why are you eating?
Are you hungry? Bored? Tired? Because other people are? Because it’s there? Because it tastes good?
For a long time, and even sometimes now in social settings, I ask myself why it is I’m eating.
Did I specifically go to dinner? Excellent.
Probably because I was hungry and it’s about that time.
However, if it’s a house party at 8 pm (you guys know I go to bed at 8:30 HA!), and I’ve found myself mindlessly shoveling meat and cheese down my gullet, I ask myself why I’m eating.
Why? Because I’m standing next to the meats and cheeses.
Eat before you go especially early on when you feel like you don’t have much self-control.
Make sure you’re staying hydrated every day, not just the day of the party.
And for fuck sake, walk away!
Why are you standing next to it? You’re not getting paid to bounce the charcuterie, I assure you.
Mind you, this is mostly about being EXTRA, The unhealthy side, the addict’s version.
You should go to dinner with your friends, share a meal that ends in a decadent dessert with your family and not bear guilt. The light at the end of the tunnel? It really is there.
If flexible dieting is the foundation of my transformation, it’s my brain and mindset that excavated the site.
Flexible dieting is sustainable, unrestricted, and anything other than what’s been considered a “diet.”
That doesn’t mean it’s a cure-all and that I don’t still struggle.