Oh the cliche.
The first time I really had an a-ha moment was the day I saw Eat Pray Love in the theater. I was nursing my head and body after a two-day bender completed at a music festival.
The heat, the booze and the MDMA had leeched my serotonin levels. Watching such a film nearly sent me into an existential crisis.
I take it back.
It wasn’t an a-ha moment. I imagine a-ha moments to be profound.
Life changing, earth shattering.
This was more or less a combination of dehydration and depression. I remember sinking back into my theater seat, tears streaming down my cheeks knowing in my heart…
This isn’t my life.
The story ends there, for now.
It wasn’t THE a-ha moment but rather an a-ha glimmer. Not the first, not the last, but a memorable mark of many.
So many times throughout my life had those glimmers. As a child I would lay in bed, listening to the music coming from my mother’s room get louder which meant 1 of 2 things.
Drugs or strange men, often times both.
I would lie there, the blankets up over my head and know that that life didn’t belong to me.
When I was a teenager, long before I discovered the know-how or impact of self-love, I would stare down at my naked body. It was riddled with fresh wounds and healing scabs from physically harming myself. It was abused by men and mistreated by me and the drugs, booze and food I used to stuff my feelings. I knew that I was living in a body that wasn’t meant to be mine. I was uncomfortable in it, physically and spiritually. I often times looked into the mirror and saw something completely different.
As an adult, as my career moved forward it felt good but I still felt I was missing something. Once I got pregnant with Scarlett and after I held her for the first time, I knew that a corporate lifestyle wasn’t meant for me. I felt a longing in my stomach and a tugging on my heart. I was making more money than I ever had before and still I felt lack.
I had spent countless hours and days daydreaming. Imagining myself in certain places, feeling a certain way, looking like I wanted to look, loving myself entirely.
One day, it made sense and I thought to myself, “why not”? Why not me? Why not my family? Why not have, see, do and feel everything I want to. What’s stopping me?
I did two things. I took action and I kept the faith. Truth is, everything I’ve done I’ve literally leaped into head first. I gave myself a year to transform my body, my head and my heart.
I vowed to myself I would fix my relationship with food.
I started a business serving people and I left a career I was no longer in love with. I fell in love with myself and the life I was building for my family and I.
The decision I made to get my certification in nutrition through Precision Nutrition came naturally. I gravitated towards helping women and mothers going through the same struggles I had and I wanted to show through my experiences all of the possibilities.
Losing almost 100 pounds hasn’t been easy.
Starting a business wasn’t easy.
Leaving a comfortable and stable career wasn’t easy.
Being a mother, entrepreneur and getting my certification wasn’t easy.
But they were all the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I ask you, what is serving you in your life right now that you can create more of? Also, what is no longer serving you? Sit with that today. Make a list, get intentional and really figure out what’s lighting your fire. Ain’t got no fire? You better ignite one.